How to make absolutely sure you never land a job you truly do not want.

(tips for your next job application)

name:  Wouldn’t you like to know?

nicknames/aliases (AKA):   Super top secret agent, Special ‘k’ (with a triple Aye-Aye-Aye).

address:  I’m not from around here.

position applying for:  Don’t use lubricant at all, ever.

list prior education:  I have a BS in BS’n.

former employment history/describe your duties:  Professional street walker/ played around in traffic for free.   I also had a position once counting sheep, until I was caught sleeping on the job.   Boy, was my face red.

What, in your opinion makes you feel you are an ideal candidate for this position?:   Uh-uh-uhhh..Ancient Chinese secret.

list three personal references:   chink, hot pepper, spear chucker

list hobbies (optional): Polly wolly doodle all the day.