Dear 665 guy, if god was so actually so very bright/all knowing and powerful..then why do we mere humans have a real, obviously ongoing need to use toilet paper? Signed, completely perplexed and befuddled
Very good question, compadre. To put it to you rather delicately, toilet paper is a very suitable alternative at all times to having to additionally purchase boxes of kleenex to blow your nose with. And to be most brutally honest about it, we need toilet paper to blow our noses with sometimes while we are heeding one of nature’s ordinary calls to take a dump, and all that comes out is a phart. It’s obviously not always such an unexpectedly false alarm so, chin up during the meantime.
Next question comes from the ghost of the elephant man himself. He writes… Dear 665 guy, if god is so smart then why are snails designed to be so nearly darn impossible to eat in the first place? yrs truly, ghost of elephant man, neverland ranch p.s. Please save me from the ghost of Michael Jackson, I am imploring of you. He often claims he owns my very remains while dancing about in circles all around me, as he is most gleefully humming/whistling/singing ‘thriller’. I swear, one of these days I am finally going to snap, just immediately prior to shouting (you probably guessed it already), POW..right to the moon, Michael(exclamation point)
Wow, what a most astonishingly original and excellent question you do pose, which I will now attempt to do my very best to answer properly. First off, I am unsure whether you might be referring to snails which can be ordered and prepared at certain finer restaurants (which you simply remove from shell and eat using a fork), or the free kind you find sometimes among your garden. Assuming you are referring to the latter, I’ll go out on a limb here and take a gander that it’s a most definite sign that god wants you to apply for food stamps one day very, very soon. Hope this helps. btw, here are some recent snail pics from my place/front doorstep of my latest pad. Just gaze upon this obviously overabundant plethora of readily available and widely assorted free, tasty and tiny morsels..most easily/conveniently located among the confides of the vastly stroll-able, parking lot area(s) alone:
https://pix.sfly.com/1uY9y5
Next question…Dear 665 guy, I was just wondering if it’s at all possible to talk to the dead? I mowed this guy’s lawn and he had a heart attack and died before he could ever pay me what he owed me (certain unfinished business to tend to). Also, if indeed possible..could you clue me in on the necessary steps to insure a most successful procedure? I really need my money badly since the place where I used to sell my plasma closed up shop for good. Many thanks..signed, one very freshly phucked fox in a forest fire
How to talk to the dead, step by step. First, pick a grave. Second, start flapping your gums as you ordinarily would while having an ordinary conversation with say, your probation officer (example). And believe it or not, that’s simply all there is to it. However, if the purpose of your visit at the cemetery is to attempt to settle an old argument with the deceased..I highly recommend you bring along with you a paper bag to place over your head before you decide to get ugly with screams and shouts of pent up anger and/or bitter hatred. The reason I would like to caution you in such an unobvious, yet meaningful manner is merely out of my own personal respect for the dead. What is the reason for wearing the bag over your head as I have recommended, you may be asking yourself?..Quite simply put, you might just scare the shit out of all of those poor dead people within close proximity of the one you are attempting to argue with/loudly voice complaints to (perhaps even most vulgarly at times), and there’s no known luxury such as toilet paper in hell. Think of all of those poor, dead people rolling around in their graves full of freshly laid caca simply as a direct result of your inability to control yourself. So yeah, bring a bag along (for phuck’s sake) to cover your rearing, ugly head with, if this does indeed happen to be you, in your particular case.
And now..a funny meme (to me anyway), which I most self-admittedly made in very poor taste (at least partially for that matter), this afternoon.
My very own little golden book for adults. 