Leave your questions for Akbar, the magnificent speaker/interpreter of English language here and will send answer back to you azap. Thanks, and live very happy and long life, my wish for you and your family and household pets for purchasing with us. Thanks once again. Akbar
(first customer question): Hey there Akbar, just bought your super duper deluxe new starlight/ nightlight [latest deluxe model] lamp only a week ago, and it is no longer working. What are the return instructions so that I may receive a refund? No longer even considering a replacement after seeing first handedly and up close that the product does not deliver the results as advertised by your company, even while it was still somewhat functional. Not upset as I already thought the description of what the product could provide already sounded too good to be true, just want my money back.
(Akbar reply) I see. So you break product after only a week of true ownership and would like refund? Did you first try fixing by inserting most firmly and deeply into anus?
(first customer reply) You mean I can put it in my ass and it will work once again? I did not not know that. Thank you very much Akbar. You sir, are a true gentleman and a scholar. Will let you know how placing the product in my butt works out.
(Akbar reply) Not a problem. What is ‘butt’? Another word for ass in your country, like donkey maybe?
(first customer reply) Akbar, you are an absolute genius(exclamation point) I shoved the non-working starlight lamp way up deep inside of my ass as firmly as humanly possible and my donkey then kicked me squarely in the forehead, and I’m still seeing many many stars as I now write to you this letter of thanks(exclamation point) Just one more quick question, I promise…I shoved the lamp so far deep inside of my ass that I can no longer figure out how to get it back out? Any suggestions? Would be very greatly appreciated.
(Akbar reply) Just slip a ex-lax or similar in next donkey meal and problem be all gone in two days most. Hope this helps. Glad our newest deluxe lamp fit so very deeply in your ass and problem solved with lamp no longer working. We always want customer to be very happy with purchase. Wishing you nice long happy and healthy life, you and your family, and thank you for shopping us.
(new customer question) Akbar, I ordered several products from your company over a month ago, just to save a lot of money. Where are my packages? Your shipping policy clearly states that products are sent and received within 3-4 weeks of placing the order. What gives here? I would like to cancel my order at once, and receive a full refund. What are my options?..
(Akbar) Sorry you have trouble with understanding shipping policy. Our very fine products are most surely shipping to you now. I look it up already. We combine all your items in one very big package, and will be in your driveway at your front door soon. As far as shipping policy go, my friend…we did most INDEED deliver to ship and WAS received by boat captain (name is Safik, I am now showing here on compooter) within guideline of time mention (3-4 weeks), but most unfortunately…very small boat. Many patience please, and let us know if further assistance required. What great surprise you will surely have when big package arrive at doorstep you will see with mouth wide open, surely. No worry, we not forget where you live and very big package is on way. Next time you maybe pay more shipping for even bigger and faster boat? I know you will be so happy when big package arrive at doorstep, and surprised to find your mouth so very widely opened in excitement at sight of just how big it really is. Thank you for order, please recommend to many friends and wishing you and family and pets very happy long life for your business with us.
(new question from old customer) Akbar, I am very satisfied with my recent order of ‘guaranteed to be in perfect working order refurbished pocket vagina’. Was just wondering, if I were by some chance willing to pay for round-trip airfare and put you up for the night if you would possibly consider sleeping with my wife? You see, she is into really big packages that seem to only deliver very slowly and can only function properly after being shoved very deeply into her ass. Why, even her donkey seems to enjoy waiting months on end in anticipation for the very large package it will be receiving with mouth wide open and madly slobbering away all over the stable floor out of obvious excitement. btw, the ex-lax trick worked like a real charm. Do you know who this is?..
(Akbar response) Friend, once again thank you for recent order placed a year ago. Happy we can help. Unfortunately I already have two hundred wives of my own who not ever allow me out of sight long enough to deliver my very large package into your wife’s ass or even it’s dripping wide open mouth. Count blessings you only have to put up with one wife and only one ass. Best advice I can think, buy much really bigger stable in Pakistan where to keep more wives and their slack jawed dripping asses in. Feed them well with new and improved donkey meal available only from us (bold new package, same great taste). More you pay for boat/shipping, faster it arrive and you can easily shove my entire very large package directly into overly excited mouth, or her ass. Whichever you and/or she happen to prefer. Or even both. Friend, I tell you I ship only biggest packages directly through the little man on boat, as quickly and cheaply as possible. Nice offer friend, but afraid wives (and their hungry asses) would not ever understand or allow such a trip to your land. Thank you for shopping us, and may you and your wife and her ass live very long life for shopping us. Akbar~
My very own little golden book for adults. 