Living without arms.

So I’m walking to the grocery store and I tripped and fell.  “Help me” I cried “I can’t get up, I have no arms”.  Fortunately for me, help arrived very soon afterward and I was back upon my merry way.  As I neared the automatic sliding front doors of the grocery store, I noticed they wouldn’t budge, no matter how many times I backed away before trying again.  The buggy pusher on duty came to my rescue saying “helps if you swing your arms a bit while approaching” before he noticed I didn’t have any, then apologizing.  “Don’t worry kid”, I replied “at my age I’m already quite used to it”.   With a wave of his hand the sliding doors opened and I was on my way once again.  Much to my dismay, I soon after discovered they had relocated the stove top jiffy pop to the the very top shelf.  I asked a nearby shopper if she could grab a couple for me, and put them in my butt, I didn’t have much explaining to have to do.  “Aaaaaaaaaahhhh, thank you” I said before making my way to the nearest checkout with the shortest line.  As I stood there in line, all of a sudden there was this very strange popping sound coming from my butt.  Soon, all of the customers ahead of me and behind began to give me funny looks.  “It’s all in the butt” I said..”nothing hidden up my sleeves” as I quickly recomposed myself.