Author: Soulmaster665

Bikini Machine, “Monkey Bum Bum Boogie”
Pin-occhio, “Bum Bum”
MYNAME, “Rum Bum Bum”
Mark Knight, “Bum Bum” (original mix)
FX, “Rum Bum Bum Bum”
Tom Green, “My Bum Is on Ya’ Lips”

Bikini Machine, “Monkey Bum Bum Boogie”
Pin-occhio, “Bum Bum”
MYNAME, “Rum Bum Bum”
Mark Knight, “Bum Bum” (original mix)
FX, “Rum Bum Bum Bum”
Tom Green, “My Bum Is on Ya’ Lips”

 

 

Yo granma so fat that she didn’t have to see the Lay’s commercial to already most intuitively know for herself she couldn’t eat just one.

Yo granma so fat that after she did eventually see the Lay’s commercial for the first time, she went to the grocery store and yanked every last available Lay’s potato chip product off of the shelf, just before asking a stockman if there were any more in the back.

Yo granma so fat that she then returned to the chip isle and proceeded to yank every last available Pringles product off of the shelf, just before asking the same stockman if there were any more in the back.

Yo granma so fat that before she finished her grocery shopping (about four hours later) that not only was every single shelf among the chip isle completely empty (top to bottom, beginning to end, left and right), but customers were asking the managers why there were no available shopping carts anywhere in sight.

Extra added bonus: Yo granma so fat sex joke.

Yo granma so fat that she did every soul brotha’ on the block she could get her hands upon, and then afterwards burped continuously, non-stop for about a whole hour while counting her hard earned loot.

The doctor says there is still perhaps about a ten percent chance I have one more day to live.

I still have 2 good arms and legs, with ten good fingers and toes attached to them, stored safely in the deep freezer.

I can have any woman I truly desire, at the local whorehouse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hello again my darling.  Just wanted to let you know I thought about you today, while I was trying to take a healthy dump.  As it turned out, I was very constipated and so I thought about you for a veeeeeery long time.  I  eventually heard a plop, just before another plop.  Followed by the sound of a fizz and then yet another fizz, and it was then I knew I was still very much in love with you.  Even though you are six feet under.  XOXOXO

Vincent Price and the twilight zone.

As promised earlier, more Vincent Price recipes (yummy).

 

(tips for your next job application)

name:  Wouldn’t you like to know?

nicknames/aliases (AKA):   Super top secret agent, Special ‘k’ (with a triple Aye-Aye-Aye).

address:  I’m not from around here.

position applying for:  Don’t use lubricant at all, ever.

list prior education:  I have a BS in BS’n.

former employment history/describe your duties:  Professional street walker/ played around in traffic for free.   I also had a position once counting sheep, until I was caught sleeping on the job.   Boy, was my face red.

What, in your opinion makes you feel you are an ideal candidate for this position?:   Uh-uh-uhhh..Ancient Chinese secret.

list three personal references:   chink, hot pepper, spear chucker

list hobbies (optional): Polly wolly doodle all the day.