Author: Soulmaster665

218: DIY Blender Joke Template

Q: What’s ________and_________, and goes 85 miles an hour?

A: A_______, in a blender.

(samples)

Q: What’s weebling and wobbling, and goes 85 miles an hour?

A: A weeble, in a blender.

Q: What’s got 6 pieces and then about 100 pieces, and goes 85 miles an hour?

A: A true classic mr. potato head (not this modern gender ‘correct’ version, haven’t tried that one yet), in a blender.

Q: What’s noisy and costly, and goes 85 miles an hour?

A: A slinky that just voided my factory warranty, in a blender.

217: How to do absolutely nothing correctly 101 for dummies…

Lesson 1, open mouth, insert ankle. Don’t worry, you “can’t” do it. Lesson 2: You can hump your mattress for hours and hours after waking up, but now matter how hard you try (to be appreciated), it will never ever begin to take notice. Lesson 3: How a boy spider w/out a true deathwish should improperly compose a love poem for it’s very first mate in life (to serve as example only): “I’m a happy male, hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba hubba.”

216: Excerpt from the secret lost forgotten about book of natural home remedies, by Dr. Ozzy Strangesheen..

Overnight cure for whiskey paunch (belly), half gallon o’ gin for 24 hours. Cure for morning after dehydration after consuming only beverages containing gin for up to 24 hour period while quickly shedding that very unwanted fat down there, rum for breakfast/lunch/and dinner. Cure for sore throat, boiled whiskey (any old type)..canadian whiskey seems to work best here, but of course tastes and results will always vary from one consumer to the next. Cure for getting fired while still on the job for having doggy/alkie afterbreath, 2 martini lunch w/beer chaser. Helps to secretly already own the very property the business you were fired from was built upon prior to returning to former place of employment, before firing former boss and anyone else among the entire crew there who cares to question your authority while doing just so. Best cure for apparently ill effects of serious ongoing whiskey deficiency, 2 shots of very well chilled Jager for breakfast accompanied w/a bloody beer. 4 out of 5 (still surviving) rolling stones simply cannot be wrong mate. ; )